Moments That Change A Life

Last week on Monday, my husband's parents and brother were supposed to be driving across the state to visit us.  Instead my husband and I drove over 6 hours to the hospital where my father-in-law lay on life support, so that we could say our goodbyes.  Then we stayed by his side as he passed on.

It was one of the saddest and hardest things I have ever had happen in my life.  I have lost many people in my life, but had never been with someone as they passed away.  As sad as it was to be there, I am glad we were able to be there.  We were able to say goodbye and we were able to be there with him so he wasn't alone as his life slipped away.

This experience has really affected me.  I have been grieving deeply, but have also learned from this happening. I learned that it is important to always let people know how you feel about them so that there are no regrets if they pass away.  I have always felt awkward with being "touchy/huggy" with people or telling people I love them (other than to my husband, my children, and my parents).  I don't want to continue that route, so I have already begun working on that in myself.  I am pretty sure I caught my brother-in-law off guard when I gave him a hug this past week, but I know I would feel awful if anything happened and he never knew that I consider him my brother.

I know this is completely cliche', but life really is too short.  Goes along with the other cliche' of "live like there's no tomorrow."  I started to realize this after my husband and my dear friend passed away last fall and now with losing my father-in-law it is cemented into my mind.  So now I am making changes in my life.

There is a song that is now one of my favorites, which I think fits very well for how I want to be now.

For King & Country "Proof of Your Love"

Christmas Miracle

Today my husband and I dropped our 2 older kids off with my mom so we could get some shopping out of the way.  When we left one of the stores, we had our 8 month old baby in the cart as we walked across the parking lot to our van.  As we were walking, my husband and I noticed something fall to the ground.  We stopped and looked and it was a coupon.  I stood there for a few seconds confused because the coupon was in the diaper bag (deep down in a pocket) which was buried under some grocery bags.  As I was standing there confused at how it could suddenly fall out like that, a van backed up really fast from it's parking spot.  Didn't even see us standing there.  Had we not stopped to pick up the coupon and kept walking instead, the van would have hit us.

At first we were freaked out at the van backing out so fast, but we quickly felt thankful that the coupon flew out onto the ground.  Which in all reality shouldn't have been able to get out of the bag and fall... We know without a doubt in our minds that we were being watched over and protected.  Had that van hit us, our 8 month old would have gotten badly hurt and we could have gotten hurt too (and I am pregnant, so baby could have been hurt too).  This truly was a miracle that we are thanking our gracious Heavenly Father for.

It's Okay To Feel

The pain is so deep.  My heart has been physically in pain since the news of our friend's death.  It becomes hard to move, hard to go about the daily things I need to do.  It is paralyzing.  I have often wondered how people get through times like this.  Part of me feels that it isn't possible.

Some amazing friends have given beautiful consoling words and I would like to share one that I am finding helpful right now:

"The best quote from Time Out for Women:
I know everything is going to be okay; but that doesn't make it okay right now.
It is ok to hurt and feel the million feelings inside.  Healing will be a while in coming, but the best things are worth waiting for.
All my love and prayers!"

Knowing it is ok to let myself feel all the sadness, grief, anger, sorrow, the pain.... that helps.  Knowing that the healing does take a while, but I will get there, really helps too.  I am grateful for the friends and family that I have to get me through this hard time.  God has blessed me with some amazing people in my life.  One may have gone home to Him, but it doesn't mean he left us completely.  We have wonderful memories that we have shared and his spirit around us.  And we have the wonderful friends and family to help lift us up during this time.

Today one of my favorite songs came on the radio.  The song now has a completely different meaning to me.

God Be With You Till We Meet Again

Things had been going real well for us lately.  My husband's job is progressing better than before and we just found out that we are expecting another baby.  We were out today as a family, enjoying our time together.  We sat down at our favorite restaurant, ordered the food and were having a nice time together.  Then we got a phone call that felt like a semi just hit us out of nowhere.

My husband met his best friend when he was young.  They remained best friends for the past 20 years.  When my husband and I first met, his friend immediately took me in as a friend too.  Not too long after, he became like a brother to me like he had been to my husband for so many years.  We took vacations together, when we lived in the same area he would come hang out with us several times a week.  Our kids adore and love him, they even called him their uncle.  He was a very important part of our lives.

So to get a phone call today that he had died was beyond devastating.  I broke down right there in the restaurant.  We didn't want to tell the kids there, so we got our food put in to go boxes and went home.  Telling our kids was even harder than hearing it myself.  It did make me feel grateful though for the knowledge I have of the after life and that we have taught our kids about it.  I felt grateful to be able to tell them that their uncle was in Heaven and that he is with his grandpa and grandma, who he often talked about how much he missed them.

As hard as this tragedy is, I am grateful to know that he is now in a happier place.  We will miss him dearly and there will always be a hole in our lives, but I know I will see him again some day.

Farewell, dear friend.  We will meet again.  At heaven's gate, we will meet again.

My Sweet Daughter

Today I sat down with my 4 year old daughter, E, and played Candy Land.  It was fun to spend that one on one time with her.  After she won the first game, she felt really bad and wanted me to win the second game.  The luck of the draw didn't let that happen, so she won again.  She told me again that she wanted me to win too, so wanted me to keep drawing cards until I got to get to the end.  I got to a couple squares away from the end 3 times, only to end up drawing a candy card that sent me almost all the way to the beginning each time.  Finally, after going through the deck a couple times, I said I was giving up.

She said in her sweetest voice, "Mom, we can find a game that is easier for you."  She was so genuine and sweet.  The whole time she cared about me.  She didn't gloat about winning or anything.  It made me realize I must have done a pretty good job raising her to be compassionate and caring.  Which makes me feel like less of a failure.  I find that pretty miraculous :)

Best Friend Day

We have been still trying to get things all settled into our new home AND get ready for a garage sale, so it has been crazy hectic.  I haven't even been able to take the time to notice all the daily miracles I am surrounded by.  So tonight I decided I need to find the daily miracles again.  Because I know that it truly helps me focus on the good things in life.

Today was a crazy, stressful day with putting on a garage sale....but the wonderful thing about today was getting to spend it with my mom.  We don't hang out as much any more because we have been so busy.  So with her and I doing the garage sale together it meant I got to spend the entire day with her.  I am so grateful for that.  My mom is one of my best friends and I really need a best friend day. 

Like Finding A Needle In A Haystack

Today I spent the day with family where they were staying.  I went into a couple stores, went into their hotel/suite, and walked through parking lots and a parking garage....then happened to look at my wedding ring and notice the gem was missing.  I was upset, I love my ring!  I knew I would never be able to find a tiny little gem so was thinking of places to go to get a new gem put in. 

Then I had this thought come into my mind to look inside the diaper bag.  That it probably fell out when I was getting a bottle or diaper.  I picked up the diaper bag and looked inside, lifted up the formula can and lo and behold there the gem was...resting on the bottom of the bag.

What an amazing miracle!  What are the chances of that happening!?!?