My Heart is Full

Today my heart is full.

With having health problems for years, 2 surgeries within 6 months of each other last year, stress of raising kids, stress of kids with health problems, financial issues, etc... It has been so easy over the years to get so caught up in my own little world. I get so focused on how fatigued I am feeling, how stressed I am with trying to keep up with the day to day stuff, so focused on things pertaining to myself, that I just feel empty. I felt like I was losing myself and didn't know who I was any more.

Lately, in order to help out with our financial situation, I have been trying to find ways to earn money. My friend hired me to clean her house. It really helped us out, but it just felt so wrong to me to be paid to do this service. I was glad to make money to be able to help out our family, but I still didn't feel accomplished or any better about myself. I couldn't figure out why. But today I have had a light bulb moment.

Serving others is so ingrained in me. I live to serve others. I had the opportunity to serve several times lately and I am actually feeling less empty. My heart feels full because of this. It feels just downright wrong to do things and be paid. I know in the big scheme of things that is just silly, but that is just how my heart is. I don't write this to draw attention to any service I have done or to try to get praise or a pat on the back. Not at all. I always feel weird talking about service I have done or when people acknowledge what I have done (of course when people thank me it does make me feel good). I write this because to me, this is a special realization that Heavenly Father has given me. My little daily miracle, if you will.

I think that I have been given opportunities to serve because Heavenly Father knows that is what I need to overcome my depression due to being so focused on my trials. He knows my heart. He knows my soul. And He provides me with the things I need to overcome my struggles. It just took me a while to realize that these opportunities to serve were His way of helping me through.